How to find balance between everyone’s needs

Parenting is nothing short of walking a tightrope, balancing the needs of children, parents, household, work, family and friends. To be a successful and so called good parent instead of neglecting your own needs, they need to be as high on the list of priorities as those of children. No matter how much you are sacrificing for your child if you are unhappy than your efforts are being compromised. Children need happy parents much more than they need a Sony play station or a swimming pool or private schooling.

The following are nine ‘pointers or road signs for walking the parenting tightrope happily and successfully.

1. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARENTING PARTNERSHIP

This partnership whatever it’s form is the origin of your relationship with your child and it is the foundation of your child’s future. If  you are currently in a good relationship with your partner  Celebrate .  If not make a concerted effort to address it.  Make use of professional help and mediation as early as possible. You will be a good role model for your and you are providing a  happy and healthier place to grow.  This applies to  relationships between separated parents and step parents or boyfriend/girlfriends as well.

2. ACCEPT/DITCH UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF/PARTNER/CHILD

Modern adults put huge pressure on themselves and on their partners to be the people they would like them to be rather than understanding realistically who their partner is and working within that reality. Most often it is unrealistic expectations that are the cause of conflict and unhappiness.

3. RESTORATION OF SELF.

Just as you cannot pour tea from an empty teapot you cannot possibly continue giving of yourself if you are empty. Restoration practice doesn’t have to be huge.  You owe it to your child(ren) to find what you need and take responsibility for that .

4. EXERCISE

In order to have sufficient balance to walk a tightrope one needs to be in reasonable physical condition.  There are many different exercise  options, find one that suits you.  Think about what IS possible rather being stuck on thinking about what you CANNOT do.

5. PRACTICE NEGOTIATING.

Parenting is about relationships, with a partner, a support network, children, employers.  To successfully negotiate the balancing of all the different people and demands PRACTICE SELLING YOUR IDEAS to all and sundry. Get buy into compliance with an idea and be willing to reward it.  Would you go to work if you did not get paid?

6. PAUSE BEFORE YOU AGREE TO ANYTHING!

TAKE TIME to consider your options, before you simply agree to anything. Say “ CAN I GET BACK TO YOU” or “Mom will think about it”.  Check your schedule before taking on another task. Double the time you think a task will take half the contribution you think you can make.

7. INVEST IN MEMORY MAKING

Now and then ditch the responsibilities and have fun. Forget the bed making and go blow bubbles in the garden. Laugh. Mess. Go with a crazy idea.

8. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY SORRY.

Children  are more forgiving than we give them credit for. By hiding mistakes and not being willing to talk about them children are not being prepared effectively for the real world. Children model themselves on their parents. Children are also helped to decide when to take things personally and when not to.

9. GET REST WHEN YOU NEED IT AND DUMP GUILT – you will be a much more effective parent if you do.

No child has come to harm because there bed wasn’t made or they are having instant soup for supper or they have to play soccer on grass that hasn’t been mowed this week.  Children do not need nearly as much MATERIALLY  as we think they need. Far more than their own bedroom, swimming pool or sony play station they need happy, content parents. If upgrading your house is putting huge stress on your lives then rethink that plan. Work with what you have. If your husband is a good breadwinner but he hates his job and is continually grumpy, what kind of dad do you think  you can expect him to be.?.
by Leila Falletisch : Play Therapist.  Professional counselor. Life coach
B.A.Social work/B.Soc.Sci. Hons/MA Soc.Work.
7 Fairview centre. Corner Caledon and Oudehuis Streets. Somerset West.
021 851-0870.  falletisch@worldonline.co.za

By Christopher Mills.

Sometimes it seems that it is almost impossible to meet men or women who are right for us. Some singles may have given up on meeting that special person long ago as they are simply too busy to go through the hassle and heartache of dating, only to find out that their prospective partner is not the best match after all. As our busy lives get busier, it becomes even harder to meet the right sort of people – what do we do then?
The very first thing to do to ensure that you are able to find the right partner is first to ask yourself what your dreams, goals, ambitions and values are, and whether you want someone who shares those traits, or someone who compliments your personality but still has some differences. Knowing what you want in a partner is essential and having a clear idea in your head about what you want out of life is also vital to finding love and happiness.
Once you have determined the qualities that you are looking for in a prospective partner, then the next step is to get out there and start meeting people. For those who work long hours, who do not wish to endure packed clubs and smoky bars to meet people, this may seem like a challenge. While friends may set you up with people they think you would like, they don’t always get it right – despite their best intentions. This is why so many singles are turning to dating services to help them find that special someone. A good, reliable dating service such as Match VIP will not only give you the chance to meet people, but with careful screening and matching based on similar values, personalities and other factors, you have a far higher chance of meeting like-minded people. Plus, dating agencies take all the guess work out of the equation by matching up potential dates and allowing you the choice of getting in touch with each prospective partner, or not. Once you have seen someone that you think you may like, you simply get in touch to make a date.
Don’t give up on finding love – instead, simply change your tactics and let love find you. It may not happen instantly, but with a bit of faith and perseverance, you will be able to find the perfect partner that is exactly right for you.

If you suffer from lack of confidence, then you need self-esteem activities to help you gain a better perspective about yourself.

Don’t sound so surprised. You’re not the only one who has to deal with personal issues. Kids and adults of all ages experience this kind of dilemma at least once in their lives.

These self-esteem activities are bound to cure you of your confidence problem. If you’re ready to change the way the world – and you – think about yourself, read on!

Self-Esteem Activity # 1: Give Yourself A Pep Talk.

It’s hard to listen to your inner voice when all you hear are the voices of others. In order to build high self-esteem, always give yourself a private pep talk.

Give yourself at least 20 minutes on any given day. Take deep breaths and enumerate all the things you love about yourself. Remember all the wonderful accomplishments (no matter how small) you have.

Don’t stop in the middle and start thinking about negative things. When a negative thought comes to mind, immediately cancel it out by saying something like “Cancel, cancel, cancel!” or “Delete, delete, delete!”

Learn to praise yourself. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful, that you’re smart or that you’re ready to take on the world. This is your time to shine for yourself, by yourself.

Self-Esteem Activity # 2: Learn Something New.

Learning something new can give your confidence a tremendous boost.

If you don’t know how to cook, why not take a cooking class? Every step you learn and take adds to your self-confidence. By the time you get around to making your very first main course, your self-esteem should be sky high.

Why? Because you now know something other people don’t. You now have an additional skill tucked under your belt.

Self-Esteem Activity # 3: Read Empowering Books.

Reading might seem boring to some, but personal development and motivational books can jolt you out of that. These books have the power to speak to you directly. They show you how much your life can be improved with just a few steps.

Reading about the triumphs of others only fuels your determination to succeed even more. After all, if others can do it, so can you! Some of the stories can also be quite inspiring.

Engaging in self-esteem activities is very important. It gives you a sense of self and purpose. By becoming more confident, you are also paving the way for your future.

The trip might be a little daunting at first; but once you take the first step, there’s no turning back. And soon, you’ll find yourself becoming the confident person you’ve always wanted to be.

About the Author:

To help boost your confidence and achieve your dreams, I’d like to share my success secrets with you and give you FREE instant access to some of the best self-help eBooks worth over $2,355.00! Download them free at http://www.20daypersuasion.com/goldaccess.htm.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com – Self-Esteem Activities: 3 Confidence-Boosting Activities Anyone Can Do

Die Ou Pastorie is a 5 Star Guest House in the centre of historic Somerset West. Surrounded by lush gardens and deep green trees it’s the perfect place to relax and re-energize after the cold winter season. Built in 1819 it is one of the oldest remaining buildings in Somerset West.

The owner, Chretien Phloum, is at hand to advise you on things to do in and around Somerset West, including Wine Route tours and Shark-Cage diving. Airport Shuttle services can be arranged for folks flying into Cape Town.

Die Ou Pastorie is offering a Spring Vacation Special of R525 per person per night sharing anytime of the week including a full breakfast. Do yourself and your loved one a favour and take a few nights out to spoil yourself.

For more information, visit their website at www.die-ou-pastorie.com or call 021 850 1660

Author: Roberto Sedycias

Stress is the condition which a person undergoes when he has to deal with situations which are beyond his grasp. He is unable to cope with the impossible circumstances and develops stress. The definition of stress differs from person to person. What constitutes stress for one person might be a normal everyday occurrence for another. But it has been observed that most of us go through stress at various times of the day. It might be due to work or any other state of life. While most of us get used to dealing with stress in our everyday life, it turns out to be very difficult to deal with it in the long run. It might lead to awful conditions which are very harmful for us. For this reason, it is imperative to get self-help for stress management.

Symptoms of stress:

Stress can be identified in many ways. There are many symptoms associated with it, the most common being headaches and muscle pain, dizziness and sweating, nausea and bowel problems, thudding of heart and a shaking of the entire body. You feel tense and very much wanting in self-esteem. This will lead to feeling irritable and wanting to become a typical introvert. Memory seems to fail and you start drinking and smoking all the more. Severe problems of the heart, asthma, migraine and insomnia might also set in if the stress stays for a prolonged time. Self-help to stress management acquires great importance under these circumstances.

Methods of stress management:

Managing stress can have a very significant role in your life. You need to find out the situations or the conditions which trigger stress in your life. After recognizing them, you need to work on how to break free from them. In due course of time, you will get to prevent these stressors from affecting your life too. Drinking and smoking are not the solutions to stress; in fact, they make the situation worse. Self-help for stress management is indispensable and this is how you can do it.

1. Acceptance of the problem is the biggest step towards finding a solution. Half the battle is won if you accept that the situation is beyond your control. Difficulties arise in every person`s life and at this time, the support of friends and relatives counts a lot. Turn to them for advice. Let bygones be bygones and move forward in life taking a lesson from the situation.

2. Now that you have identified your stressors, try to avoid them and stay away from them. If you are away from the environment, you will feel less stressed.

3. It is very important to talk about your problems to someone who will understand you. Seek out a friend and let go of your feelings.

4. Take charge of your feelings. See if you can control your feelings related to stress. Inspire yourself by constantly reassuring that it is only a passing phase and you will emerge stronger from it. Try to develop interest in other things which will divert your mind from your problems. Exercising and eating a balanced diet is good for your system. Meditation will also give you respite. When your body and mind are at rest, you will never be stressed. Self-help to stress management is best for you.

5. Keeping an optimistic view will help you manage things better. If you always think with a negative attitude, then you will only be hurting yourself more. Try to think positively and defeat stress.

6. Take plenty of rest and have at least 6 hours of sleep. A body which has been rested will never be irritable and so will help you to recover fast.

Learn to relax yourself and you will see that self-help to stress management will indeed make you a more complete person.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com – Self-Help To Stress Management – 6 Sure-Fire Ways

If  I had a Rand (yes, not even a dollar!) for every time I’ve been asked that question, I’d be sitting in the pound seats! I think that every person would probably define it slightly differently from the next. Some might say that two people that manage to stay together for life are in a successful relationship. Really? Even if they have not had sex or an in-depth conversation for 30 years? Others might say, if they don’t fight. But is it a successful relationship if they don’t fight because one or both have given up declaring how they feel? So many people, so many opinions.

All of us have at some stage had our struggles with relationships. It is inherent in the design of a relationship: two sets of values, two communication styles, two sets of emotional and sexual needs, two sets of expectations regarding relationships, etc. Is it any wonder that we get lost in this jungle? And the more intimate we are, the higher the stakes are and more expectations we have of our partners. Conflict seems to be a function of intimacy. The more energy we invest into someone, the more we expect that person to meet our needs, consciously or unconsciously.

But what if relationships are not designed to make you happy until you ride off into the sunset? Would you still want one? What would the purpose of a relationship be then? And if you know a relationship will sometimes make you happy and sometimes dog-miserable, how would you define a successful relationship?

For me the answer is written in the forecourt of the temple of Apollo at Delphi: Know Thyself. There is no other place in our lives where we are given the chance to learn who we are with such clarity, as in the image that our intimate partners reflect back at us. And what we see isn’t always pretty.

One way of deepening our self knowledge is through the ancient analytical system of astrology. Through this lens one can look at how we employ the various parts of our psyche in an intimate relationship. And of course, once one sees one’s own behavioural patterns clearly, one can make conscious choices on which ones to keep, which to discard and which to change.

Using the elements of an astrological analysis, one would look at a person’s core personality, their emotional needs, their communication style, their relationship preferences and their sexual drivers.

There is a common belief that good communication is the number one prerequisite for a successful relationship. But somehow we humans seem to have a lot of trouble with the simple mechanics of sending and receiving a message! Could it be that our habitual communication style needs to be adapted in order to be more finely tuned to that of our partner’s? For example, if our communication style has the characteristics of the earth element, we would be talking straight, matter-of-factly and to the point. If we then encounter someone who has more of a water element emphasis, we would have to adapt our style to a more feelings-based approach, so that they feel heard and validated.

In the process of exploring our communication style, we would of course also take a look at how we listen, as well! It is also helpful to negotiate beforehand what the rules of engagement are, when encountering a conflict situation.

Through any type of self-exploration, we become more aware of the mechanics of our own mind. With more knowledge of ourselves, we are set free from being a victim of  living a life by default and we can make conscious choices that enable us to become our best possible selves. Sometimes relationship trouble is just what we need in order to kick-start a journey towards a more conscious life.

And what greater success story is there than having a more balanced, healthier and conscious outlook on life? Perhaps Eckhart Tolle has a point when he says that relationships aren’t there to make us happy, they are there to make us conscious.

Written by Babett Baer, Counselling Astrologer and director of AstroDate

For more information and to contact Babett, click here.

The Gratitude Hype

So what’s with Gratitude? Jenny Ibbotson explores how living a life filled with gratitude brings about joy and abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Everyone is talking about gratitude! Almost every personal development book has a section on gratitude. We are told that it is vital to be grateful – not just for the good things but for everything that comes into our lives. Every person, event or circumstance. Many coaches and inspirational speakers and writers suggest a gratitude journal. But why? I used to wonder why there was such emphasis on being grateful – and for everything. I know it makes you feel better but I wanted to know why and I wanted to understand how this could change things for us. When the light finally went on I realised that gratitude would, and indeed did, change my life in the most wonderful ways.

Lets begin with Energy

You’ve probably heard that everything is energy. What does this really mean for us? Albert Einstein came up with that wonderful and life-changing equation E=mc2 which means in its very simplest translation that energy is mass or matter, and that matter IS energy. That means everything. The very smallest ‘particles’ that we can identify are sub-atomic particles and they are in essence the building blocks of all ‘matter’. But scientists have discovered that they are not in fact particles even though we call them that. They are simply filaments of energy – vibrations of light pulsing away in our very cells.

So moving away from the science of it, the bottom line is that we all consist of energy, you, me, oak trees, rocks, air, water, cars, bricks, everything. We are all the same stuff and we are all vibrating at different frequencies – some fast, some slow, and some in between. This gives new meaning to the concept of being connected, of being one with the universe. It also explains why you may walk into a room and feel the vibes – happy or tense. It explains why, when you are house hunting and you walk into a house, you like the ‘feel’ of it. It explains why you may say “I am feeling pretty low today”. That is perfectly accurate because your vibrations are literally at a low frequency.

So it’s worthwhile remembering that you are always vibrating at a particular frequency because you are a bundle of beautiful energy.

Back to gratitude

We are manifesting our reality in each moment and what we create depends a great deal on how we are vibrating. Every emotion, every thought, every belief, even the words we use, affect our vibrations; and gratitude lifts us to a super-high level. It changes the way we see the world and it changes the world. So if you can, be grateful for everything – the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. It is the sense gratitude, the joy you feel, the celebration of life, and the bliss, that brings the good stuff hurrying towards you.

A daily practice

Try using a gratitude journal or incorporating your ‘gratitude’s’ into your regular journal. You could say them to a partner or a friend, tweet them, record them on facebook or my personal favourite, start a skype chat with a group you trust and share your gratitude’s every day. Stay aware of the fact that you are surrounded by wonder.

Jenny Ibbotson is the author of The Obedient Universe, which is about creating a life of joy and abundance. You can find out more at www.obedientuniverse.com

Count your blessings - all of them

What are your relationships reflecting back to you? 

Jenny Ibbotson explores how our reactions to our relationships tell us more about our own inner world.

Relationships, specially the close ones often seem so difficult. You know the ones with parents, partners, friends, children, and co-workers. But they are in fact a valuable window into the world of our subconscious minds. They’re a gift – and we can reject them and resist them, or we can use them to truly understand ourselves.

So what exactly is the reflection, or more important why are they reflections. When we realise that we really create everything in our lives, every circumstance and event, every conversation, our health and wellbeing, our wealth and way of life, we understand that this difficult relationship is simply a manifestation of our deepest beliefs, our sense of the world. So when it feels as though your parents are really being critical of you, you can be pretty sure that is simply a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you judge yourself. Or when your boss doesn’t give you the recognition you feel you deserve, it’s almost certain that you do not believe in yourself, or at least not enough.

What I always do is ask myself or the other person – so how does it make you feel? That’s the key. Do you feel unloved, or disrespected, or hurt? And that is what you need to deal with. No one else can make you feel loved, respected or whole, only you can do that. You are after all a spark of the divine and remembering that alone can reassure you that you are all perfection. There are many ways to clear the old beliefs and start again with new ones. Seek them out because the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world is to not judge yourself, or anyone else, including your children, your parents and all the others in your life.

By the way don’t forget to acknowledge the good things as they are also a mirror, a reflection of the greatness inside of you. Someone I counseled recently told me that at her performance review she had received glowing reports about everything she was doing, the company was delighted with her work and she would be receiving an increase and a promotion. At the very end her supervisor told her that there was a small problem that she needed to deal with and discussed it with her. In our conversation her whole focus was on the problem, she couldn’t believe that there was something wrong and it was consuming her. She was devastated and just couldn’t let it go. In this moment she forgot about all the wonderful feedback and encouragement she had received.

So here’s the thing. As you change your inner world, your outer world miraculously changes. As you stop judging yourself, and that means loving yourself, so does everyone else. Focus on the wonder of your life. Give it all the attention you can and I know that miracles will start to happen.

Jenny Ibbotson is the author of  The Obedient Universe which is about creating a life of joy and abundance. You can find out more at www.obedientuniverse.com

10 tips to banish negativity

“If scarcity is what you see, it’s scarcity you’ll find. If prosperity is what you see, it’s prosperity you’ll find. Which would you choose to see?” Camilla Hazell

Almost everywhere we turn, from friends, to family; to colleagues to the media we hear reports of financial doom and gloom.  Retrenchments here, property sales down there… And doesn’t misery love company? We have little choice about what everyone else is saying, but we certainly have a choice in what we say, what we think & our perception of the situation. Read the rest of this entry »