Secrets2Success

By Christopher Mills.

Sometimes it seems that it is almost impossible to meet men or women who are right for us. Some singles may have given up on meeting that special person long ago as they are simply too busy to go through the hassle and heartache of dating, only to find out that their prospective partner is not the best match after all. As our busy lives get busier, it becomes even harder to meet the right sort of people – what do we do then?
The very first thing to do to ensure that you are able to find the right partner is first to ask yourself what your dreams, goals, ambitions and values are, and whether you want someone who shares those traits, or someone who compliments your personality but still has some differences. Knowing what you want in a partner is essential and having a clear idea in your head about what you want out of life is also vital to finding love and happiness.
Once you have determined the qualities that you are looking for in a prospective partner, then the next step is to get out there and start meeting people. For those who work long hours, who do not wish to endure packed clubs and smoky bars to meet people, this may seem like a challenge. While friends may set you up with people they think you would like, they don’t always get it right – despite their best intentions. This is why so many singles are turning to dating services to help them find that special someone. A good, reliable dating service such as Match VIP will not only give you the chance to meet people, but with careful screening and matching based on similar values, personalities and other factors, you have a far higher chance of meeting like-minded people. Plus, dating agencies take all the guess work out of the equation by matching up potential dates and allowing you the choice of getting in touch with each prospective partner, or not. Once you have seen someone that you think you may like, you simply get in touch to make a date.
Don’t give up on finding love – instead, simply change your tactics and let love find you. It may not happen instantly, but with a bit of faith and perseverance, you will be able to find the perfect partner that is exactly right for you.

If  I had a Rand (yes, not even a dollar!) for every time I’ve been asked that question, I’d be sitting in the pound seats! I think that every person would probably define it slightly differently from the next. Some might say that two people that manage to stay together for life are in a successful relationship. Really? Even if they have not had sex or an in-depth conversation for 30 years? Others might say, if they don’t fight. But is it a successful relationship if they don’t fight because one or both have given up declaring how they feel? So many people, so many opinions.

All of us have at some stage had our struggles with relationships. It is inherent in the design of a relationship: two sets of values, two communication styles, two sets of emotional and sexual needs, two sets of expectations regarding relationships, etc. Is it any wonder that we get lost in this jungle? And the more intimate we are, the higher the stakes are and more expectations we have of our partners. Conflict seems to be a function of intimacy. The more energy we invest into someone, the more we expect that person to meet our needs, consciously or unconsciously.

But what if relationships are not designed to make you happy until you ride off into the sunset? Would you still want one? What would the purpose of a relationship be then? And if you know a relationship will sometimes make you happy and sometimes dog-miserable, how would you define a successful relationship?

For me the answer is written in the forecourt of the temple of Apollo at Delphi: Know Thyself. There is no other place in our lives where we are given the chance to learn who we are with such clarity, as in the image that our intimate partners reflect back at us. And what we see isn’t always pretty.

One way of deepening our self knowledge is through the ancient analytical system of astrology. Through this lens one can look at how we employ the various parts of our psyche in an intimate relationship. And of course, once one sees one’s own behavioural patterns clearly, one can make conscious choices on which ones to keep, which to discard and which to change.

Using the elements of an astrological analysis, one would look at a person’s core personality, their emotional needs, their communication style, their relationship preferences and their sexual drivers.

There is a common belief that good communication is the number one prerequisite for a successful relationship. But somehow we humans seem to have a lot of trouble with the simple mechanics of sending and receiving a message! Could it be that our habitual communication style needs to be adapted in order to be more finely tuned to that of our partner’s? For example, if our communication style has the characteristics of the earth element, we would be talking straight, matter-of-factly and to the point. If we then encounter someone who has more of a water element emphasis, we would have to adapt our style to a more feelings-based approach, so that they feel heard and validated.

In the process of exploring our communication style, we would of course also take a look at how we listen, as well! It is also helpful to negotiate beforehand what the rules of engagement are, when encountering a conflict situation.

Through any type of self-exploration, we become more aware of the mechanics of our own mind. With more knowledge of ourselves, we are set free from being a victim of  living a life by default and we can make conscious choices that enable us to become our best possible selves. Sometimes relationship trouble is just what we need in order to kick-start a journey towards a more conscious life.

And what greater success story is there than having a more balanced, healthier and conscious outlook on life? Perhaps Eckhart Tolle has a point when he says that relationships aren’t there to make us happy, they are there to make us conscious.

Written by Babett Baer, Counselling Astrologer and director of AstroDate

For more information and to contact Babett, click here.