Relationships in many regards are much like your own personal finances. Your relationships take a great deal of work, planning, communication, understanding, goal setting, deposits and withdrawals. Personal finances need the exact same kind of dedication, organization, understanding, goal setting, deposits and withdrawals. The two are inexplicably connected in a lot of ways and if one finds some form of hurdle the other will likely be adversely affected. Here are several ways you can manage your money and your relationships and help both grow amazingly together.

GOAL SETTING: Where will you be in five or 10 years? This could be a ideal conversation starter for you and your partner. The great thing about this topic is managing money can easily be connected with relationship goals. Your life partner may not be happy with their current occupation and has hopes of starting their own business or planning to go back to college. Together you could discuss what steps need to happen to accommodate each others goals and not sink the financial boat. If you keep this line of discussion open you will be able to set realistic goals in money and in life.

COMMUNICATION: This is probably the most important requirement for any solid relationship. Because most quarrels are over money it is wise to keep an open line of conversation in everything else so that talking about money comes naturally. That means that any major purchase should be thoroughly discussed. just think about how angered you would be if your mate came home one day with a $1500 plasma T.V. or a $1500 dress or fifteen hundred dollars in penny stocks. If you can talk about finances, that would be one less topic that could result in a fight. Communication is key in relationships and in financial planning as well.

JOINT ACCOUNT: The age old question. Some feel that sharing a joint savings account is important because it displays a big degree of trust. Some people feel that it is wise to keep your personal finances apart from the relationship because of the freedom it creates. The issue is it may cause disruptions in your relationship. Why not have both? First you should figure out is what your expenses are and what is left over for pleasure. {In my opinion|I think a simple formula to use is each of you takes twenty percent from the paycheck every week to deposit into a personal account. That cash is for you and you alone. You can use it to buy a fancy pair of shoes, football tickets or anything you desire. The remaining 80% is placed in a joint account that covers living expenses such as food, mortgage, retirement planning, car payments etc.. This way if you choose to treat yourself, you will be using your money to do so.

STAY ON THE SAME PAGE: This is vastly important. Know what’s going on. One of you could know a bunch more about personal finances. There aren’t many things more exciting in a relationship then learning together and knowing the same things. If you both know where the money is going, in what way it is being invested and what investments to make there will always be an understanding. There is little more heartbreaking than when one person makes a solo decision and loses out. If you constantly inform each other of financial opportunities and financial decisions it will be more difficult to make silly mistakes. As the saying goes, two minds are better than one.

Relationships are always a work in progress. It is inevitable that you will run into problems and not see eye to eye with your partner all of the time. Finances are one conflict that can easily be avoided with an open line of communication, goal setting, planning and understanding. If you and your spouse can communicate honestly when it comes to finances and put the right plan in place, your relationship with each other and with money will grow stronger and stronger every day.

About the Author:

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If  I had a Rand (yes, not even a dollar!) for every time I’ve been asked that question, I’d be sitting in the pound seats! I think that every person would probably define it slightly differently from the next. Some might say that two people that manage to stay together for life are in a successful relationship. Really? Even if they have not had sex or an in-depth conversation for 30 years? Others might say, if they don’t fight. But is it a successful relationship if they don’t fight because one or both have given up declaring how they feel? So many people, so many opinions.

All of us have at some stage had our struggles with relationships. It is inherent in the design of a relationship: two sets of values, two communication styles, two sets of emotional and sexual needs, two sets of expectations regarding relationships, etc. Is it any wonder that we get lost in this jungle? And the more intimate we are, the higher the stakes are and more expectations we have of our partners. Conflict seems to be a function of intimacy. The more energy we invest into someone, the more we expect that person to meet our needs, consciously or unconsciously.

But what if relationships are not designed to make you happy until you ride off into the sunset? Would you still want one? What would the purpose of a relationship be then? And if you know a relationship will sometimes make you happy and sometimes dog-miserable, how would you define a successful relationship?

For me the answer is written in the forecourt of the temple of Apollo at Delphi: Know Thyself. There is no other place in our lives where we are given the chance to learn who we are with such clarity, as in the image that our intimate partners reflect back at us. And what we see isn’t always pretty.

One way of deepening our self knowledge is through the ancient analytical system of astrology. Through this lens one can look at how we employ the various parts of our psyche in an intimate relationship. And of course, once one sees one’s own behavioural patterns clearly, one can make conscious choices on which ones to keep, which to discard and which to change.

Using the elements of an astrological analysis, one would look at a person’s core personality, their emotional needs, their communication style, their relationship preferences and their sexual drivers.

There is a common belief that good communication is the number one prerequisite for a successful relationship. But somehow we humans seem to have a lot of trouble with the simple mechanics of sending and receiving a message! Could it be that our habitual communication style needs to be adapted in order to be more finely tuned to that of our partner’s? For example, if our communication style has the characteristics of the earth element, we would be talking straight, matter-of-factly and to the point. If we then encounter someone who has more of a water element emphasis, we would have to adapt our style to a more feelings-based approach, so that they feel heard and validated.

In the process of exploring our communication style, we would of course also take a look at how we listen, as well! It is also helpful to negotiate beforehand what the rules of engagement are, when encountering a conflict situation.

Through any type of self-exploration, we become more aware of the mechanics of our own mind. With more knowledge of ourselves, we are set free from being a victim of  living a life by default and we can make conscious choices that enable us to become our best possible selves. Sometimes relationship trouble is just what we need in order to kick-start a journey towards a more conscious life.

And what greater success story is there than having a more balanced, healthier and conscious outlook on life? Perhaps Eckhart Tolle has a point when he says that relationships aren’t there to make us happy, they are there to make us conscious.

Written by Babett Baer, Counselling Astrologer and director of AstroDate

For more information and to contact Babett, click here.

What are your relationships reflecting back to you? 

Jenny Ibbotson explores how our reactions to our relationships tell us more about our own inner world.

Relationships, specially the close ones often seem so difficult. You know the ones with parents, partners, friends, children, and co-workers. But they are in fact a valuable window into the world of our subconscious minds. They’re a gift – and we can reject them and resist them, or we can use them to truly understand ourselves.

So what exactly is the reflection, or more important why are they reflections. When we realise that we really create everything in our lives, every circumstance and event, every conversation, our health and wellbeing, our wealth and way of life, we understand that this difficult relationship is simply a manifestation of our deepest beliefs, our sense of the world. So when it feels as though your parents are really being critical of you, you can be pretty sure that is simply a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you judge yourself. Or when your boss doesn’t give you the recognition you feel you deserve, it’s almost certain that you do not believe in yourself, or at least not enough.

What I always do is ask myself or the other person – so how does it make you feel? That’s the key. Do you feel unloved, or disrespected, or hurt? And that is what you need to deal with. No one else can make you feel loved, respected or whole, only you can do that. You are after all a spark of the divine and remembering that alone can reassure you that you are all perfection. There are many ways to clear the old beliefs and start again with new ones. Seek them out because the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world is to not judge yourself, or anyone else, including your children, your parents and all the others in your life.

By the way don’t forget to acknowledge the good things as they are also a mirror, a reflection of the greatness inside of you. Someone I counseled recently told me that at her performance review she had received glowing reports about everything she was doing, the company was delighted with her work and she would be receiving an increase and a promotion. At the very end her supervisor told her that there was a small problem that she needed to deal with and discussed it with her. In our conversation her whole focus was on the problem, she couldn’t believe that there was something wrong and it was consuming her. She was devastated and just couldn’t let it go. In this moment she forgot about all the wonderful feedback and encouragement she had received.

So here’s the thing. As you change your inner world, your outer world miraculously changes. As you stop judging yourself, and that means loving yourself, so does everyone else. Focus on the wonder of your life. Give it all the attention you can and I know that miracles will start to happen.

Jenny Ibbotson is the author of  The Obedient Universe which is about creating a life of joy and abundance. You can find out more at www.obedientuniverse.com

Life is a theatre, so invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives.

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimise your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships. 

Observe the relationships around you.  Pay close attention.

Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which one discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know or appreciate you?

The  more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Remember that the people we hang out with will have an impact on both our lives and our income.  And so, we must be careful to choose them carefully, as well as the information with which we feed our minds.  We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor feed them with negative thoughts.

So – who is in your front row?

Have your read our 10 Tips to Banish Negativity?